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Scientists have found evidence that there was water on Mars at some point. You know what that means? It means that the Martians ran out of water and came to colonize the earth. Yes, they came here not only to survive but to thrive. My guess is that they arrived to find a planet full of dinosaurs and cavemen, and simply took over. Which brings me to my well thought-out conclusion: there are lots of Martians here.
Now this hypothesis (promoted only by me, by the way) would tend to explain lots of things. The curious actions of many, including my lovely son the Webmaster, simply illustrate the dominant sides of their alien personalities. There is no other way to explain their ways of doing things. What we consider to be bizarre behavior is likely just normal on their home planet.
Do you need more proof? I have two words for you: Yoko Ono. Enough said.
While we’re on the subject, why in God’s name are we earthlings attempting to communicate with aliens out there? Am I the only one who expects that only superior beings would pick up our signals? This would invite them to find their way to our planet and eat us, right? Or even worse, turn us all into Yokos. I, for one, prefer not to have that kind of close encounter.
So here’s my plea to all of those esteemed geniuses out there: stop trying to seek out new worlds and civilizations. In the immortal words of the great Elmer Fudd, we all need to be “vewy, vewy quiet.” Let’s just continue to embrace our ignorance and drive our planet to ruin all by ourselves. We clearly don’t need any help from other worlds to do that.
Tagged as: Aliens • Conspiracies • Myths