I Believe

2015-08-18 16_01_58-StoreYes, I’m a Jewish boy, raised in a Jewish household, and have lots of Jewish values instilled in me. Of course, Jewish guilt is a big one, but that’s a whole other story. Anyway, I’m very proud of my heritage and for lots of reasons (not the least of which is because so many died, simply because they were Jewish), I would never even consider converting to another religion. That all works very well for me.

However, I’ve often wondered what it would have been like growing up belonging to another religion. Since I’m such an inclusionist (I made that word up), and expermentalist (I made that up too), I might have actually adopted several religions, and just switched off depending on the time of year. I would be a very observant and convenient equal opportunity practitioner.

For instance, I would definitely end the year being Christian. Christmas R Us-that would be me. And clearly, right before Yom Kippur, I would become Hindu. That fasting business is one thing I could easily do without. I’m guessing it will take some work to understand all of their gods, and such, but once I mastered that, I would probably get bored and try being a Muslim. Of course I would likely switch to Hari Krishna before Ramadan kicked in. As I said, I do like to eat, you know.

After a while, I might invent a few of my own religions. Practicing the extensive teachings of Procrastionis (not to be confused with Confucius), would be cool. But I would probably never get around to it. Sometime during the year, I would almost certainly develop a following teaching Snoozology. The basic tenets of that religion would be, “If in doubt, just take a nap”. Maybe I’ll combine that with “Thanksgivingism, since that snoozing typically comes after that scrumptious meal. Sexism would be an interesting religion to start, but I would be more interested in the sex part than anything else.

Now all of this celebrating may actually become a problem. I would probably overindulge, almost eating myself to death commemorating all of those holidays. I might even end up looking like Buddha. However, spending almost 100% of my time and effort exploring and practicing lots of old and new religions, during the year, would likely force me to resort to founding Unemploymentism.

OK, so maybe I’ll just stick with being Jewish. It’s usually best to stay with what you know anyway.


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