NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS REDUX

OK, so raise your hand if you’ve, yet again, wasted your time embarking on that fruitless effort, to make a list of ways to better yourself this year. Don’t you ever learn? Don’t you know that if you’re anything like me (God forbid), you will be lucky to last a week before breaking every one of those “promises” to yourself?

Well, at my advanced age, I’ve decided to do something different this year. I will commit myself to attain success reaching more reasonable goals, which are not even stretch goals. Why break a sweat over this?

Therefore, in 2017, I vow to work very hard to do the following:

  1. Spend as much time that is humanly possible to vegetate, laying around watching mindless TV accomplishing and doing absolutely nothing.
  2. Every chance I get, I will seek out and consume anything remotely appearing to be chocolate, in the most outrageous quantities humanly possible.
  3. When it comes to exercise, I will strive to come up with the most unique excuses, and lame reasons to put off, and/or skip the otherwise dedicated time allotted to work out, run, walk, mountain climb, etc.
  4. Red meat-are you kidding? I hope to succumb to all of my caveman carnivore yearnings, and indulge in eating burgers, steaks, meatballs at every possible meal, breakfast included. Loading up on lots and lots of cholesterol is the way to go. LDL, here I come.
  5. Of course all work, and no play will make this Suredad a very dull boy. So play I will and work, I will diligently “work” to avoid. Hangnail, can’t come in; sock drawer needs to be rearranged, sorry, I can’t make it; hair out of place, best to deal with that immediately, as the office can wait. I’ll let the dog (that I don’t have) eat my homework.

Well yes, I know, that’s quite an aggressive list, but hopefully I won’t disappoint myself. I hope to persevere, to get 100% achievability.
Now I need to take a well-deserved nap, after committing all of this to writing (which is exhaustive work).
Best to you and good luck with your New Year’s Resolutions (suckers).

Happy New Year,
Your friends at Suredad

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