Oh Sure

IMG_20150818_150924Anyone wonder why our astronauts have not visited the moon since 1970 something (OK, so I’m not sure of the exact date, but it’s been many moons ago)?  We instead, have redirected our exploration efforts to building and manning (and womanning) an international space station. And I know why.

In the largest fraud ever perpetrated on the American people, our government simply made up those so-called lunar landings. The truth is that we have never actually visited the moon. Conspiracy theorists unite-it was a hoax. You want proof? Oh, I’ve got plenty of proof.

First, let’s start with the liftoff. The ground shaking rumble was created by artfully turning up the bass using enormous speakers (cleverly disguised as booster rockets) playing In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. Using smoke, mirrors and a very large projection screen, we were deceived. Fortuitously, and by no means a coincidence, the actual “liftoff” was timed to coincide with some nearby thunder for good measure. And those thousands of people standing around “watching”? They were extras. Just a bunch of old retired actors living in Florida with nothing else to do.

Second, as we all know, there clearly is a man in the moon. Why, oh why, did none of our “astronauts” ever encounter him? And think about all of the activities supposedly performed there. It was all staged. Ever hear of the secret Site 51, or the UFO facility in Roswell, New Mexico?  That’s where all of those mythical excursions took place with actors, not astronauts.

Need more examples? Remember that cool lunar rover those guys drove around? Ever see a spare tire on the back? Of course not. We were all made to believe that if there was a flat, they wouldn’t need to change the tire. No, the NASA Lunar Procedures Manual instructed them to call Triple A, if they had any “rover trouble”. Seriously?

And how about Alan Shepard playing golf on the moon? He clearly used a putter to tee off. Everyone knows you have to use a driver to do that. And they think we never noticed. Well, I did.

Why wasn’t there evidence of anyone ever being mooned on the moon? How could that be? The mere art of mooning must have been originated up there, and we never saw a single tush (not that I wanted to, you understand).

Which all goes to illustrate the fact that those “moon landings” never occurred.  Here’s one last issue. When those “astronauts” “returned to earth”, they supposedly brought back lots of moon rocks. My final unanswered question: Why didn’t they bring back any Swiss cheese?

I rest my case.

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