Political Mascots

2015-09-20 16_55_28-PhotosIf you were in charge of picking the symbol for your political party, what would you choose? Would it be something dynamic, innovative and distinct? Or would it be something stupid like the ones the Democrats and Republicans have selected long ago?

As we all know, the mascot of the Democratic Party is a donkey. I’m guessing that some idiot decided they were a bunch of jackasses, and they couldn’t think of a better way to illustrate that description. Donkeys kick and buck so much, it’s a wonder they can ever follow a simple path. Very fitting. Ever try to ride one? My point exactly. Who would want to ride a donkey? They whine and complain, obnoxiously screaming “hee haw” all the time. Donkeys are quite earthy, unkempt and they smell. Their role of being beasts of burdens have obviously outlived their usefulness. Hello, anyone notice that donkeys have been replaced with pick-up trucks? Clearly, those dyed in the wool Democrats don’t know their collective asses from a hole in the wall.

Now one would have thought, since your main competition came up with such a lame symbol, the GOP would have easily outdone the Democrats in that department. However, in the same spirit as most of the squandered opportunities of the Republicans, they picked an elephant. An elephant! What better way to commemorate Dumbo’s Circus, I suppose. Maybe they can identify with flying elephants. Another possibility of course, is that they wanted to emphasize the fact that they never forget. That way they can continue to live in the past, and hold grudges forever. It’s also an apt reminder that they keep letting their fat asses get in their own way, and trample over any new ideas. Obstructionists R Us. And they’re afraid of little things like mice. It’s possible that trunk has some significance, but it’s completely lost on me. Maybe it allows them to pack their bags and escape at a moment’s notice.

Teddy Roosevelt had the right idea, with his Bull Moose Party. At least naming your party after a bull moose has some panache to it. He knew their main goal was to shake things up, like a bull in a china closet. Well done TR.

Maybe it’s not too late to rebrand the main political parties in our country. Here’s a suggestion: let’s change the donkey to a cat, and the elephant to a dog. You see, cats typically taunt the dogs, make a lot of noise, but run away as soon as the dog attacks. Dogs bark up a storm, can be very intimidating, but rarely catch the cats.

Since Democrats and Republicans fight like cats and dogs already, what better way to identify them? Another problem solved.