Wascally Wabbit

BugsSureDadThankfully, I’m not a hunter, however I understand there are those who really enjoy this activity. God knows why, so here’s my take on what they actually call a sport.

First, a little step back into history. In the olden days, men were hunters and women were gatherers. This segregation of duties was instituted for a few very important reason. It seems that women even back then, knew they would outlive men. This was clearly true by design. You see, the ladies kicked those lazy guys out of the cave to bring home the bacon, so to speak. They figured the chances of their mate being eaten by a dinosaur (while they were out looking for dinner) were higher than the girls actually getting hit by an asteroid falling out of the sky (while they were staying home). They assumed that if honey pie got swallowed up, they would simply find another honey pie. Cavemen were stupid anyway, and would do whatever as they were told. The point of all this was that game were hunted to feed the masses.

Maybe you have noticed, but today, we just go to the grocery store or McDonalds to get our food. No need to go out into the cold cruel world, and beat the brains out of an elephant to get lunch.

Which leads me to this (rhetorical) question; why do some people feel compelled to hunt animals for sport? It’s because they like to play with guns, that’s why (don’t get me started). Many will rationalize their actions by suggesting they eat the remains of the animals they shoot. That’s not the reason. No, they believe wearing those silly camouflage costumes (we can still see you, by the way) and crawling around through Lyme tic infested forests is a sport. Really? Just because they call it “game”, doesn’t make it a “game”.

I would suggest this is not a sport at all. How hard is it to take a high powered rifle and shoot the pants off of poor Bambi strolling by? Participating in a sport requires some degree of effort and difficulty, not to mention the uncertainty of the outcome. If they really want to make it a sport, we should find a way to even the odds, and give those little rabbits a fighting chance. Just think of undefended Buggs Bunny staring down the barrel of Elmer’s shotgun. Who wins? OK, bad example because Elmer’s pretty stupid.

So let’s arm the animals, to make this a real sport. Give Daffy Duck the ability to fight back. How much would Buffalo Bob enjoy it, if nature’s wild little darlings could actually defend themselves?

On second thought, perhaps that’s not such a good idea. They could decide to engage in their own sport, and hunt us (anybody see “The Planet of the Apes”? Hello?). I know that an unarmed moose chasing me is scary enough (actually, I’m just guessing here). Put an AK-47 in his hand and OY, I’m in big trouble.

Maybe a better idea would be to just ban firearms from both animals and hunters. Actually, that’s probably redundant.