Ah, spending quality time in the great outdoors. Think about it. Breathing in the fresh air, recreating that wonderful rustic life and communing with nature. Yes, we can enjoy the same experiences as our pioneer ancestors. Living in crude shelters, fishing and swimming in the nearby lake, watching the birdies fly and hiking through the trails. Sitting around the camp fire, roasting marshmallows, singing songs and telling stories. Listening to the crickets chirp as we nod off to sleep. What’s not to like?

That depiction seems to be rather different from today’s actual camping experience. First, we hook the pickup to our trailer with the pop-out tent, and off we go to the campgrounds, which have flush toilets, showers and lots of other conveniences. Once we spread open the multi-room tent, we make sure the beer is cold, which we drink while sitting in lounge chairs on the screened-in porch (no need to let the bugs get in). We sleep on blow-up mattresses perched on roomy cots, so as not to lay on the cold, hard ground (because only savages and homeless people sleep on the ground, right?).

We ignite that propane stove and get those ten-ounce rib eyes sizzling. We bring along our very own generator (energy efficient, of course), so we can power our lifesaving and life preserving essentials. Those, of course, being our TV’s, coffee makers, stereos and all-important cell phones. God forbid, we suffer for five minutes without them. Oh, and we can’t forget turning on that fan (multi-speed, naturally) if it’s too hot, or the heater to keep us from getting cold.

Waking up to the smell of bacon, eggs and pancakes cooking on the stove is the best way to start the day. And then we spend the rest of the non-eating-and-drinking time mostly doing nothing, except sitting around and thinking what life was like for those who had to survive in the wilderness like we’re doing.

So here’s my question. If we work so hard to make our camping experience embrace all of the comforts of home, why don’t we save lots of money and simply stay home?

I know. We can open up the windows at night, and it will feel just like camping. And if the cricket chirping is driving us crazy, we can always shut the windows.