Federal Holidays
OK, admit it—the ten federal holidays are just another excuse to relax and take it easy. Most of them don’t really have any special significance to you, do they? Do you send birthday cards to all of the dead presidents on Presidents Day? Do you birth a bunch of babies on Labor Day? Of course not. It’s just another day off.
Now don’t get me wrong. Memorial Day, Independence Day and Veterans Day are very important and should be celebrated appropriately. I know that I do. And Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I observe it religiously by eating myself into oblivion. (I don’t believe I’m alone in that department.)
How about Columbus Day? Do you visit Columbus, Ohio, or the District of Columbia? Well, maybe if you already live there. But probably not. What’s to celebrate? Anyway, we’re told that it was actually the Vikings who discovered America, way before old Chris did. We don’t have a Vikings Day, now do we?
So I count three holidays that don’t mean a lot to most of us. Here’s what we should do. Let’s keep these holidays, but rename them, as we don’t want to lose any of those precious days our employers are expected to close.
First, take Labor Day. Except for people in hospital delivery rooms, not so special. We should change it to End of Summer Day, to be celebrated by drinking, eating (and some more drinking and eating) and sweating out in the hot sun, so we don’t forget what the summer was like.
Instead of Columbus Day, we should call it Rake Your Leaves Day, when we can do all of our final outdoor chores before it gets too cold. Just because we’re off doesn’t mean we have to be unproductive.
Presidents Day could be renamed Winter Doldrums Day. It can be a cold day when we just sit around inside and do nothing, which is exactly what most of us do on Presidents Day. We’re probably still tired from Rake Your Leaves Day anyway, so we can use the rest.
I’ll get back to you with some other lazy holidays I can invent. I’ll probably only come up with about 355 of them, so stay tuned.
Tagged as: Columbus Day • Food • Independence Day • Labor Day • Memorial Day • Presidents Day • Veterans Day