Horsing Around
I’m not really a horse person, and I hope I don’t offend too many equestrians here, but let me just ask these questions. What century are we in? Do people really need to be carted around by horses anymore? You don’t see farmers having mules drag plows in the fields, right? Well, at least not in this country. Do you bump into old Clem at the livery stable in the middle of town? I think not. Just like you don’t have a chaw of tobacco with Thaddeus. Times have changed.
Call me stupid, but to me horses are no longer beasts of burden. You don’t have to hitch them to a wagon to go cross country, or to a carriage to take a 
ride with Miss Kitty. No, we have cars for that. Do you see many people on horseback at the drive-thru window at McDonalds? Or do you hop on your horse to take your dirty laundry to the cleaners? Of course you don’t. So why do people insist on riding horses anywhere?
Consider this. Do you think anyone has ever asked the horse if it’s OK for you to sit your fat ass on their back just to take your lazy self somewhere? I’m guessing not. Sure, I understand that a horse is a beautiful and graceful animal (that’s my assumption, as I’m not much of an animal person), and they likely need someone on top to guide them in horse races, jumping competitions, the Olympics and such. But that’s about it, as far as I can tell.
Can you imagine the conversations between horses discussing humans? Likely, only odd and particularly strange people like me can. I would think they would introduce themselves in a rather cynical way. “Hi, my owner thought he was a real comedian, and named me Horse’s Ass.” “Oh, that’s not so bad, my name is Horse Shit.” Or how about those stupid racehorse names, like My Sister’s Uncle’s Illegitimate Bastard Son, or Harry’s Other Psychotic Friend, or My Mother-in-law’s a Whore? Where do they come up with these? What self-respecting horse would want to be called anything like that? Is it a way to show them who’s the master and to keep them in line? Maybe, but they’re bigger than us, so it’s probably not a good idea to piss them off. The words bucking bronco come to mind here.
My suggestion is the let the horses alone. Walk around for a change, which would serve several purposes, not the least of which would be to slim down that fat ass of yours.
Tagged as: Animals • Exercise • Horses