Innovative Warfare Technology
Are you like me and tired of the same old ways that wars are fought? I sure am. Shoot here, bomb there, blow away the other side’s blower-uppers. The basic tactics don’t seem to change, only the increased devastation caused by the newest weapons employed. So here’s what should be done: we need to boldly embrace a new and innovative warfare technology.
First, mobilize our scientists like they did when that nasty A-bomb was invented. This clearly requires the help of our top thinkers, and we need to get the whole country behind this.
Here is my suggestion: Find a way to bottle up the human orgasm. It all sounds so simple, and I’m surprised it has not been tried as yet. Once that is accomplished, we arm all of the combatants with orgasm bombs. Lots of positive consequences are possible.
Think about it. What would happen if the good guys tossed a grenade at the enemy, and instead of containing that nasty shrapnel, it delivered an orgasm? The bad guys wouldn’t be maimed in any way, but would be engulfed in feelings of ecstasy, and instead of shooting back, would run over and embrace the good guys. And because this euphoria is akin to a post-coital euphoria, one wouldn’t have to worry that the embrace would lead to uninvited and unwanted advances and such. Right? The key, of course, would be to make sure this does not result in just a fleeting emotion lasting only until the subsequent cigarette is smoked.
Other than running the risk of taking an eye out during the explosion, I don’t see any downside to this. We could, instead, equip bombs with mind-altering drugs, but it likely wouldn’t have the same effect. And those are probably classified as chemical weapons, which are mostly frowned upon (unless you’re in charge of Syria or North Korea or some other rogue nation). Of course, warmongers would be upset, as utilizing orgasm weapons would cause conflicts like these to go the way of the dinosaur. World leaders would actually be forced to find other ways to resolve their differences. What would that be like? Imagine the possibilities. Or it might have the opposite effect, as the soldiers would fight over the opportunity to go to war. In that case, a love fest would result anyway, so no real harm done. Kinda brings a whole new meaning to the old adage “make love, not war.”
Let’s get to work and get it done.
OK, since I’ve now solved that pesky war problem, next it’s on to world hunger and global warming for me. I’ll work on those, so you may want to check back for my solutions.
Tagged as: Military • Orgasm • War