Side Effects
Am I the only one who pays attention to the possible side effects of taking medication? Reading the list of potential adverse reactions often scares the hell out of me.
The usual type of warning we see on the labels says: Let your doctor know if you experience severe nausea, headaches, itching, diarrhea or swelling.
However, I’ve done some extensive research, using only the most reliable resources I could find on websites, and have discovered some very shocking potential side effects and warnings.
Here is the list:
- Some patients have complained that taking this medication resulted in their head exploding.
- Take only as directed, as it has been reported to cause orangutans to hyperventilate.
- It is suggested that you should not engage in unprotected sex with blow-up dolls.
- There have been reports of new appendages growing in unwanted and embarrassing places.
- Avoid walking under falling pianos while taking this drug.
- You could experience wild hallucinations, such as thinking you are the Pillsbury Doughboy (or girl).
- Women over eight months pregnant should refrain from skydiving.
- Men over eight months pregnant can do whatever they want.
- Unwanted hair growth and setting off metal detectors are possibilities.
- Ferocious anger directed to your boss may result (which might not necessarily be a bad thing).
- It is not recommended that patients perform delicate neurosurgery while taking this drug.
- One should not gorge on M&M’s, as there would not be enough for others to stuff into their mouths.
- Lab rats have been observed having bad hair days while under this medication.
- You (or others) may notice that you are now glowing in the dark.
And here’s the real shocker: these are the documented side effects just for taking aspirin. Wow!
OK, you caught me. I do admit to making up the one about skydiving. But that does make good sense, right? The rest are entirely true, because everything you read is true.
So maybe you shouldn’t read those warning labels after all. Ignorance is bliss, you know.
Tagged as: Doctors • Medication • Side Effects • Warnings