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Those Dreaded New Year’s Resolutions

Those Dreaded New Year’s Resolutions

OK, so this is the time when we look back on the prior twelve months and evaluate our shortcomings. We vow to do better in the New Year, when we will have a fresh start. Like many others, I have a long list of ways to improve myself, which I’ll gladly share with you.Those Dreaded New Year’s Resolutions

First, I take offense at the word “shortcomings,” as it can have some very nasty ramifications for me. That aside, I really want to endeavor to do better in 2014. It’s all about discipline and fighting that dreaded procrastination. Well, here goes:

  1. Gotta lose those pesky ten pounds that never seem to go away. Ever.
  2. I need to do something about my drinking. I’m thinking about taking it up, to find a way to better deal with all of the stress in my life.
  3. We can all exercise more, me included. Five days a week is a good goal. I’ll start with one day, maybe five minutes of intense standing around.
  4. Getting back to Resolution No. 1, it likely wouldn’t hurt to lay off the chocolate, potato chips and french fries. Actually, that may hurt a lot.
  5. How about expressing myself better? I know, I’ll start a blog and share my inner feelings with millions of complete strangers. Brilliant! The entire free world would benefit.
  6. I’m thinking about gambling more, as simply buying lottery tickets isn’t quite doing it for me. I don’t get much of a rush comparing the winning numbers with my loser ones. Bingo may be my answer.
  7. Speaking of vices, chasing women may be a good idea. It would especially help me with Resolution No. 3. Oh, probably not; they’ll surely run too fast.
  8. Smoking cigars—now there’s an idea. It’s not supposed to kill you, and it’s an easy way to keep people away, not to mention keeping bugs away in the summer. That’s certainly worth further investigation.
  9. Quitting my day job. Imagine the possibilities. I could blog all day from a homeless shelter, as I won’t be able to pay my bills and will lose everything. That also requires further investigation.
  10. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. That could certainly help me with Resolution No. 9.

Now we get back to that discipline issue, which seems to dissipate as I get older. However, I do embrace procrastination, as it allows me to further investigate things (namely Resolutions No. 8 and No. 9). I just can’t just entirely change my whole life now, can I?

So don’t be surprised if you see a very similar list for 2015.

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